Do Not Go See Your Ex!!!!

How many of you out there are obsessive like me?  I tend to think something to death most of the time.  I also have to verbalize about it as well.  I’ve written on here before about how much I tend to analyze things.  In my job its great, when I’ve gone through a break up, its been horrible!!!

The number one reason to not go back and see your ex after a break up is it will make you way more obsessive than you already are.  If you are already missing this person, seeing them is going to make it 100 times worse.  Your brain just can’t handle it.  You think it will make you feel better.  Maybe for those few minutes, but then afterward you feel like crap.  Its like eating too much chocolate.  At first you feel great, but then you feel really guilty and mad at yourself after you’re done eating it.

Seeing your ex again will put even more hope in your heart that things may still work out.  You may give in and have sex with this person again.  That will definitely make you feel worse later when they don’t text you back or leave you a message on your Facebook page.  If you don’t have sex when you see them again, then you’ll be fantasizing about it and torturing yourself to death.  You’ll be checking your phone every 2 minutes hoping they will say they want to see you again or get back together.  Even if they did text you, now you are even more obsessed trying to figure out what that text means.

Your brain and heart are fighting between hope and reality.  You know in your brain that it is over, but your heart is just not on board with that answer.  Your heart hopes that maybe there is something you can do to still get this person back.  Maybe if they just see you one more time they will realize how much they missed you and come back.  If you do see them, you think maybe if we just have sex one more time they will realize how good it was between us and come  back.  It is all a delusion that your heart just won’t let go of.

However, I would a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that I have gone back to see my ex after we broke up.  I have hoped that we would get back together and I was obsessed over my phone for days, okay weeks, afterwards.  I did believe another sexual encounter would bring him back and maybe I texted him things to almost bribe him back.  I am not proud of those things and no, none of those things worked.  It only worked to make me more upset and angry with myself over all the time I wasted still thinking about him.

If you can be stronger and smarter than I was, I would advise you not to see your ex.  It won’t make things better and it won’t help you to move on in any way.  It just holds you to a past that is now over and keeps you stuck in misery.  Do yourself a favor and have more respect for yourself than I did.  Just say no if you are tempted to see your ex again.  It will help your obsessive thoughts go away faster and help you move on to a place where you will actually be happy again!

Just a disclaimer…I realize that if you try too hard not to think about something, it usually ends up being the only thing you can think about.  I’m not saying to try not to think about your ex at all.  I’m saying that seeing them is going to make it that much harder to think about anything else and it prevents you from being able to move on.  I suggest thinking about your ex when you need to but also forcing your brain to think about other things as well.  Don’t tell yourself to NOT think about your ex.  Tell yourself to think about a vacation coming up, or a new pair of shoes you want to buy, or the NBA finals, or going swimming this summer, or going to the movies with your friends.  Then come back to your ex.  Don’t try too hard to avoid your thoughts, just try to balance it with other things going on in your life to give yourself a little bit a break during the break up process.  In time it will be easier to think about other things and this person will not be invading your thoughts nearly as much…but only if you resist seeing them and never having sex with them again!!!

6 comments on “Do Not Go See Your Ex!!!!

  1. I couldn’t sleep so I was just surfing and happened to find this article, which is completely relevant to my situation with my ex-girlfriend. This seems like common sense but like you said, the heart has a mind of its own. It’s refreshing to see my thoughts re-iterated from somebody going through the same thing as me.

    • Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate the feedback and trust me, the heart does not have common sense unfortunately!!!

  2. I am finally feeling really good about myself and my future after years of torture over my ex but as good as I feel every now and then I get these obsessive thoughts that just keep on torturing me and I know deep down he’s never been good for me anyway. Is this just the rejection and ego kicking in? It drives me nuts.

    • Thanks for your comment…yes, it is definitely the rejection and sometimes our own pride that kicks in and makes us over analyze past relationships. A lot of people still sometimes wonder “what if?” or “could I have done something different” or “if only…” thoughts or questions that don’t have answers. It doesn’t necessarily mean you want the person back. When you let someone in, they take a piece of you when they leave. Sometimes that hurt creeps back up. Luckily, it starts to happen a lot less often and it becomes a lot less intense over time. Hang in there…what you’re going through is normal.

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