What NOT to say to a friend during a breakup

Here are my top breakup statements that miss the mark totally!

1.  “It’s for the best”

2.  “Just move on and find someone else”

3.  “Just get over it”

4.  “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway”

5.  “Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon”

6.  “Don’t be sad, he isn’t worth it”

I know these sound good in theory, and most of them are probably true statements.  Why they don’t work is because our emotions are stronger than our intellect during a breakup.  We know something in our head, but don’t feel it in our heart.  For example after watching a scary movie I KNOW there isn’t a psychopath in my shower, but I FEEL like there is because now I’m scared, so I pull back the shower curtain to double check.  My emotions win, not my mind.

The same thing happens during a break up.  We may KNOW the breakup is for the best, but we don’t FEEL like it is so it doesn’t help.  We still feel sad.  It is hard for friends and family to watch a loved one feel sad.  Most people want to cheer someone up or make them feel better.  The intentions are good, but only time will help the heart get on the same page with the brain.  Sometimes we have to let our loved ones feel sad and just give them a hug.  Things don’t always have to be “alright”.

At some point you will feel like the break up was for the best and that he or she didn’t deserve you.  But during the breakup you still “love” this person and when someone says they aren’t good enough for you or they don’t deserve you, you almost feel offended.  That you are somehow an idiot for being sad that you lost this person.

You aren’t an idiot.  We can’t see the future when we start a relationship with someone and everyone has good qualities.  Those are the things we most remember when we are sad.  But our friends remember the things the person did that hurt us most.  We all have to take risks when we enter a relationship and sometimes we learn a lot of things we don’t ever want to repeat in a future relationship, but all of that takes time to become aware of.  The emotions take a long time to heal and that is okay.  You can  move forward and still feel sad at the same time.  You can move forward and still “love” that person…after awhile, the pain does lessen and your brain can kick into gear all those stupid things your friends and family said to you back at the beginning.  And you may finally agree with them.

I would love to hear what you think about this post or about my blog in general. Also, feel free to leave any suggestions or ideas for new posts in the future! Thanks!

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