Am I cheating?

Sometimes it is an obvious answer.  But not everything is black and white.  If you are asking yourself this question, the answer is probably yes.

Most people would agree that cheating is when you have sex with someone that isn’t your current partner.   But many other things could be seen as cheating.   You and your partner have to be the ones to decide the boundaries.  If you are both on the same page, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks.  The main check point is asking yourself whether you are hiding something from your partner.  If you are “just talking” or “just texting” someone else, are you hiding it?  If you are afraid to tell your partner then it could mean you feel like you’ve crossed a line.

THE EX…Some couples don’t want their current partner to be talking with an ex at all.  Some couples will say it is okay to email, but not to text or call.  Some couples will say it is okay to text or call, but not to see an ex in person.    When it comes to exes, the lines may have to be drawn a little more clearly to avoid jealousy and trust issues.  You may have to make some sacrifices in order to be on the same page in your new relationship.  Most people want their cake and eat it too, but it isn’t realistic.  It isn’t easy to be “just friends” with an ex and it usually causes problems in your new relationship.

JUST FRIENDS…When it comes to opposite sex friends it is also important to agree with your partner on where the line is drawn.  Is that person now friends with both of you or are they still only hanging out with you?  My husband has met all my girl friends and all my guy friends.  If I was reluctant for him to meet someone I may have to ask myself,  why?  Not that he has to become close friends with my guy friends, but I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable having him hang out with any of them.   Also, if you are talking to an opposite sex friend more than your partner you also have to wonder why that is.  Being more emotionally involved with someone else is going to cause problems in the relationship.

Cheating isn’t always intentional.  It can start out as an innocent friendship.  But be careful because investing a lot of emotional energy into someone will cause intimate feelings to develop.  Especially if you are talking to that person about your relationship.   You may end up falling in love with someone who isn’t your partner when that wasn’t your intention in the beginning.  If you aren’t ready to break up with your partner, be careful who you talk to about them.  If you are having problems in your relationship, I suggest talking to a same sex friend or a professional counselor to avoid the chances of developing an emotional affair.  You may think I’m crazy, but I’ve heard about this scenario too many times as a counselor, and it has heartbreaking consequences.

There are other ways to cheat.  It is a major topic that has a lot of different opinions.  I’m only giving my insights from listening to others experiences.  Technology has caused a lot of complications in relationships, and I’ll be discussing this soon.

I would love to hear what you think about this post or about my blog in general. Also, feel free to leave any suggestions or ideas for new posts in the future! Thanks!

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