For some reason we always want what we don’t have. Our brains tend to focus on what other people have that we don’t. It is hard to be content and happy. If we are in a relationship we can always find someone who has a better one. If we are single, we see other couples and feel jealous. It seems that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but there is crap everywhere. You just may not be able to see it from your side.
Being single has down sides, but so does being in a relationship. When you are single it is easy to look at couples in public holding hands or sharing an inside joke and feel left out. But trust me, there are couples out there wishing they had more freedom, trust, affection or love in their relationship. Nothing is perfect. I remember when I was completing my internship at Bradley University. I was single at the time and having a bad day. As I was walking out of the library I saw a girl walk in holding hands with her boyfriend and laughing. I was quiet jealous. A couple of days later that same girl joined my eating disorders group. She stated that she was making herself throwing up because her boyfriend thought she was fat. She also went on to talk about the other ways he was emotionally abusive and controlling. My perspective changed completely with more information. I was much happier at that point about being single then I was a few days before.
Here is the greener side of being single-
1. Freedom to come and go as you please
2. You don’t affect anyone else when you are in a bad mood
3. You make all the decisions about what you spend money on
4. Have more time for friends and family
5. You can flirt with anyone you want
Here is the greener side of being in a relationship-
1. Someone to come home to
2. Someone to go to weddings, parties, family events with
3. Someone you can depend on
4. Someone to rub your back and feet after a hard day
5. Someone to share physical affection with
Here is the crappy side of being single-
1. No one to help you with chores around the house
2. Cooking all your meals for one
3. Going to weddings, parties, family events alone
4. No one to hug after a sucky day
5. Feeling like you aren’t good enough for someone and fearing you won’t find anyone
Here is the crappy side of being in a relationship-
1. Not getting to choose what you want to do all the time
2. Dealing with someone’s bad moods
3. Stress because of conflict and misunderstandings
4. Expecting that person to be there and they are busy
5. Feeling like you aren’t good enough for that person and fearing they may leave you
I was single for a long time. I had good days and bad days. On good days I was fine with not being in a relationship and was grateful for my friends and my career. On bad days I felt alone and different from everyone else. I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. Now that I am married I still have good days and bad days. On good days I feel blessed to have my husband and our communication is supportive. Most of the time we get along and I love spending time with him. On bad days I still feel alone or sad that we had a disagreement. I sometimes feel frustrated that we need different things in the relationship and have to make sacrifices.
Again, nothing is perfect. A relationship isn’t going to solve all your problems, and being single isn’t the end of the world. Look for the positive side of whatever situation you are in. And ride out the bad days, cause they will happen no matter what. I hope for everyone that they find the person that loves them unconditionally. If you aren’t in that situation yet, look to your friends or family who already love you. Remember, nobody is happy is all the time and relationships take a lot of work. So be grateful for what you have now and don’t wish your life away!