Relationships can resemble addiction in so many ways. At least when you start going through a break up cycle. It is like that person is a force field and you keep getting sucked back into their space like a magnet.
The heart isn’t known to be the smartest organ. Emotions are messy, that is why a lot of people will do many things to avoid them. One of those things is staying in the relationship to avoid the emotions of the break up. Sometimes it is easier to deal with what we know, rather than face the unknown. The relationship may suck, but at least you are familiar with this form of sucky. Being alone can be scary. Especially if you have been with someone a long time.
Fear can be the main reason you may stay in a bad relationship. I’ll actually be writing more about how fear impacts relationships in another blog. But for now I’ll stick to the reason you keep going back to someone that you know you should break up with. The first few weeks after a break up are the hardest. The urge to text or call the person is strong. You may be crying a lot and don’t feel like doing anything. You are distracted from your work or school responsibilities. Everyone around you seems to be happy. This makes you think of the happy times in your own relationship. You start to miss your ex and give in to the temptation to call them. It is nice to distract yourself from the pain. Again, people will do almost anything to avoid emotions, especially pain. And you wonder why you keep going back? You aren’t alone and you aren’t weak. Some things just take time. I know, not what you want to hear, but its the truth. You can’t force a break up to happen before you are really ready to be done. You may try to leave several times before you are actually done for good. This is why…
You have to wait until the pain of being with someone is stronger than the pain of being away from them. I wish there was an exact formula to make this happen faster. Everyone has a different pain threshold. Some people last a few weeks and some people last months, possibly years before they are ready to leave someone. Usually because that person does or says something nice to lessen the pain for awhile before bringing you back to the edge of wanting to kill them again. Those few good moments drag out the relationship for quite awhile sometimes. Its amazing how little affection we can actually live on for a long time…But one day you will go over that edge. That person will do something that will hurt you and your heart will be ready to say “No More!” Then no matter what that person does to get you back after that point, you will know in your heart you are done. You will deal with the crying, the loneliness, the distraction from work and school. Anything not to feel that pain from the relationship again. That time will come, I just can’t tell you when.
For friends of people going through this kind of break up, its almost just as hard. It isn’t easy to watch your friend suffer and know that you can’t do anything to make them leave any faster. Just continue to be a good friend, even when its hard. The break up will happen, or the relationship gets better and everything is okay. Just try to be supportive and understand that sometimes emotions are stronger than the intellect. Your friend knows what they have to do, but they don’t feel strong enough yet to do it. Stay by their side, they are going to need you when they finally do get the courage to leave for good.