It has become so easy to cheat these days. It is hard to be confident and trusting in your relationship when there are so many new ways to be sneaky.
For example, if my dad wanted to cheat on my mom back in the 1980’s, he would have had to go to a lot of extra lengths. There was only one home phone which you had to talk out loud on to get your message across. So unless no one else was home, he couldn’t call some other woman very easily. Plus my mom would have gotten the phone bill in the mail instead of electronically and more likely looked at the numbers being called on the bill. There was no email back then either. So it was harder to write love notes back and forth all day to another woman at work. No Facebook, no chat rooms, no internet dating sites to make it easier to find or stay in touch with someone. So unless my dad met someone at work or was traveling for business a lot, it wasn’t as easy to cheat back in the day. Not that it didn’t happen, it was just harder to keep cheating a secret.
It is easier to be secretive today. You could be out to dinner with your significant other and have no clue who they are texting. Unless you want to be going through their phone every five minutes. Also, it is so easy for someone to meet you, start texting as a friend and then slowly ease into “sexting” and photo sharing. With the internet it is also easier to stay in constant touch with someone and keep it a secret. I blogged about confidence a couple of weeks ago. How confident do you have to be these days to not be tempted to stalk your partner’s Facebook, email, or phone?
I believe relationships need to be more open now to build trust. I am all for privacy, but if you are in a committed relationship, you may have to make some sacrifices to reduce conflict. You won’t need to stalk the one you love, if they are being open already. If you have nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be too big of a sacrifice to be more open. Are you someone who takes your phone into the bathroom with you when you shower? Or do you leave it out? Do you only open your email or Facebook page when you are alone? Or do you open it no matter who is sitting around you? If you have developed those habits of secrecy, it is going to be hard for your boyfriend or girlfriend to trust you. I am not saying you have to let your partner go through your phone or email any time they want. I am saying that it would make it less suspicious if you didn’t horde your phone 24/7 or close down your email when they walk into the room. You shouldn’t be afraid or defensive if they happen to look at your email or your phone on occasion. This is the person you love and want to be with right?
It is one thing if you are open and your partner has trust issues. That is a separate blog, that I will keep addressing. It is a whole other thing if you are a secretive person and expect everyone, especially your boyfriend or girlfriend to just trust you completely. You have to earn trust, and then you have to keep being open throughout the relationship to keep it. When you tend to hide things and are sneaky, for whatever reason, it looks suspicious.
When you enter into a committed relationship, you give up some control. If you want to be private and have total control over who goes into your phone, email, or Facebook, then stay single and date casually. If you want the security of a committed relationship, then you have to be willing to let that person in. It works both ways. Won’t you also feel better knowing your partner is being open with you in return? It can build trust and confidence over time if you are willing to give up a little of your privacy for the one you love and have chosen over everyone else in the world.