Why are relationships so complicated? Is it necessarily a bad thing? The fact is people are complicated. Since you are most likely dating a person, the relationship will be complicated. We all come into relationships with our preconceived ideas and beliefs about what to expect from another person. Sometimes we assume things based on what we would think or do in a certain situation and project that onto our partner. Then we wonder what it means if that person doesn’t think or do something the same way we would.
When I talk to students a lot of them will say “I just don’t understand why my girlfriend or boyfriend is doing this”. Or they will ask me “What do you think it means when my boyfriend or girlfriend does this”? One reason it is so hard to figure out is because a lot of the times we forget that other people don’t think the same way we do or prioritize the same way. For example, if you are someone who remembers everybody’s birthday or important anniversaries, you may analyze what it means that your boyfriend or girlfriend forgets an important date. You may think it means they don’t care about you because you would never forget that about someone you care about. But, it could actually just mean they are forgetful when it comes to any important date, not just yours. Just like some people are bad with directions. It is hard to figure out in relationships if the person is doing it to you to send a message or if they would do that to anyone because it is part of their personality. Take the time to really get to know your partner’s personality so you will know what their intentions are. You can still let them know your feelings are hurt, but you may also have to accept that when they forget things it doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Another reason things get complicated is because a lot of people feel insecure in many ways. If you don’t feel good enough to be in the relationship it becomes hard to speak up when you need to and you may over analyze everything your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing. This doesn’t mean you are in the wrong relationship because it seems so hard to communicate. You just need to know what is causing the insecurity and try to work on being more confident in that area. Are you comparing yourself to his or her ex? Are you comparing your boyfriend or girlfriend to your ex? It is hard to be secure if you have been burned in the past. To make a relationship less difficult, work out those insecurities to build trust in yourself and in each other.
Relationships can be complicated, but it is worth the effort to work through those complications. It takes a long time to really get to know someone. And in college, you are still getting to know yourself. Continue to work on knowing yourself as well as your significant other to make things less complicated. Focus and find out what someone’s intentions are. The same action can have two different intentions and that makes all the difference. Someone may not text you back because their phone is actually dead or not getting a signal. Or someone may not text you back to send you a message to leave them alone. Get more information to figure out the real intention behind someone’s actions. If you feel like your partner is lying, it will become obvious over time. Don’t expect your relationship to be easy. Life, people, and relationships are complicated. It does take effort to communicate well and make even a great relationship last.