A Long Distance Relationship…

…is like being single, going through a break-up and having a relationship all at the same time.  It’s a crazy experience to go through.  Some people will tell you that you are lucky to at least have someone.  However, there are many days you feel unlucky.  You may feel sad or jealous when you see happy couples spending time together like people going through a break-up feel.  You also don’t have someone to do things with and have a lot of time to yourself like a single person because the one you love is not here with you.  Yet, you do have someone who wants to be with you and does love you like people who are in a relationship.  That is a lot to deal with every day.

Obviously the option of breaking up to avoid being in a long distance relationship is the worse of two evils.  So, you choose to deal with being apart.  It is still heart breaking.  The weeks leading up to seeing the other person are exciting yet very frustrating.  You just want them to be here already!!  Then the time you are together seems like a dream and flies by way too fast.  After they leave your friends expect you to be happy that you just saw this person but you feel sadder than ever after having to say good bye again.  The roller coaster of emotions can be exhausting.

Yes, technology has come a long way.  I can’t imagine being in a long distance relationship back in the day when you could only communicate by letter which took more than a couple of days to deliver.  That is probably why a lot of people married cousins who lived next door.  Unless there was a war, most couples were not separated for a length of time.  Today you can meet someone online who lives across the country.  Many more people are having to deal with dating long distance.  Skype is a great invention and is better than just talking on the phone.  However, the internet isn’t always reliable and there are times this way of communicating isn’t possible.  It can be very disappointing to be looking forward to actually “seeing” the person that day only to find out the internet isn’t cooperating.   Also, some couples have to deal with major time zone differences and can’t always communicate when it is convenient for them.

The other frustration is figuring out how to actually be together.  For some couples it is only a matter of time.  Once you or your partner are done with college or the military you can be together.  For other couples, its more complicated.  It is a matter of who is going to leave their family, friends and hometown to move closer to the other person.  This decision can be very stressful on a relationship.  It is hard to compromise sometimes.  For those of you going through all this frustration, believe me,  it is worth it.  You will appreciate one another more when you can spend more time together.  If you can make it through all this stress, you can make it through anything.

The other bad news is time has a way of slowing down when we are in pain.  Being apart is painful.  Your friends will try to understand and support you.  But no one can actually know how painful it is until they are dealing with it.  However, you need your friends now more than ever.  It will be hard at times for you to relate to them or for them to relate to you.  If your friends are single, they are going to be less likely to empathize with you.  They wish they had someone, even if that person was a 1000 miles away.  Your friends who have their boyfriend or girlfriend here may frustrate you when you have to see them together.  It may be hard for your friends to know what to say at times.   Just remember that everyone is trying their best to be there for you.

No one can argue that this time apart is hard.  Some days it will be easy to tell your self to be positive.  Other days, the sadness will just take over no matter how hard you try to be upbeat.  This situation is definitely not ideal, but there are others out there who do know how you feel.  Many couples have survived this period of their relationship and you will too.  Do what you can to process your emotions in positive ways and don’t be too hard on yourself when you feel depressed.  Keep looking forward to that day when you will be together and someone else will be jealous of you!!

4 comments on “A Long Distance Relationship…

  1. Why not talk about the benefits of being in a long-distance relationship? Not everyone has a hard time in these arrangements. Some couples find that the distance works for them. Others find that while tough, it can be a real opportunity to focus on one’s own growth Your description of how painful it is sounds kind of pathetic. I’m thinking there are way worse things in life to survive. This article sounds like it was written by an 8th grade girl. How about encouraging resiliency.

  2. I was in a long distance relationship for over a year and it was very complicated. We loved each other a lot, but it just wasn’t a good fit. We always blamed our problems on being so far away and never really got through them. Then, any time we talked of breaking up, we would see each other and it was fairy tales all weekend. In my opinion, all of the problems were real, yet it’s very easy to “behave” for a weekend and regain faith in your relationship, thus never breaking up. After spending a month or so together, I realized we are no match at all and we officially ended it. I have no regrets, and I would do a long distance relationship again, but you have to find someone who is willing to communicate with you and figure out the real source of any problems and not try to blame it on outside factors.

  3. I’m in a long distance relationship right now in college and i’m sad pretty much every day. Saying goodbye gets harder and harder and it breaks my heart every time. Sometimes i’m not sure the magical time we get to spend together every once in a while is worth all the sadness.. it’s so hard.

    • Thanks for your comment. Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel will keep you going through this very sad time you are in right now. If you really love the person, it is usually worth the pain of being apart. If it is time for you to break things off, you’ll know. You won’t have any doubts at that time. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you really love your boyfriend. I hope you have some great friends and family who can support while you are apart from him and hopefully this time goes by fast and one day you will feel happy when you can be together all the time.

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