Opposites Attract

But they may have a lot of conflict if they stay together.  I think it is good to have some differences in a relationship.  Then you don’t get bored and it challenges you to compromise.  However, if you are completely opposite in personality it may be hard to communicate sometimes.  Also, at least one person has to really be able to give in to make it work.  This does happen sometimes.  I know couples where one of them is so flexible they don’t mind giving into the other one on almost anything.  If this isn’t the case it can become very hard not to have major conflicts.

When I used to do marital counseling I found that most couples that came in were very different in personality.  What attracted them to each other at first started to make them crazy in time.  If you are a very laid back person you may be attracted to someone who is super organized and gets things done.  You like that they are so motivated.  However, in time you may feel like this person is a Drill Sargent who is always nagging you to commit to things and get things done.  The opposite is also true.  Someone who is a little uptight likes to be around a more laid back person at first.  It reminds them to lighten up a little.  In time, you  may feel like the only who cares about getting things done or showing up on time.

The same is true for extroverts and introverts.  A lot of compromises have to be made because what relaxes one doesn’t relax the other.  One loves to be around people to feel energized the other needs more alone time.  If one person likes to go out all the time, the other one has to keep doing something that doesn’t make them happy to make it work.  If they stay home all the time, the extroverted one will feel very bored and unstimulated.  Unless the couple can agree to go out one  night of the weekend and stay in to relax the other night.  That way both people are giving in a little to  make each other happy.  It can be done, but if every aspect of your personalities is opposing, it can be exhausting.

Here are the four different personality categories.  The first I mentioned above, people who are more extroverted and people who are more introverted.  The second one is people who are more practical and down to earth and people who are more intuitive and imaginative.  The third one is people who are more logical and people who are more emotional when it comes to making decisions and relating to people.  The fourth is also listed above, people who are more laid back, spontaneous, and impulsive and people who plan ahead, follow through with things, and are more cautious.  Some people are pretty balanced in a couple of categories and can see themselves on both sides.  This is helpful in relationships.  Most people fall into one or the other of each of the four categories.  If you and your partner are opposite in all four categories, it usually causes problems in the long run.

My suggestion is to find someone who is different from you in a couple of ways, but the same in the other ways.  That way you have to compromise about some things, but not everything.  If you are both introverted and practical, it may be easier to deal with the fact that one likes to always make plans and the other likes to live in the moment.  Or that one is more logical about things and the other is more emotional.  You may get frustrated when your partner doesn’t remember they said they would meet you in the library to study, but you never argue about staying in on a Friday night to watch a movie.  Not everything in your life is constant compromise.  The good helps you get through those rough moments when you feel frustrated.

It is also helpful to know your partner’s personality type so you can understand why they do what they do and not take it personally.  If you remember that your partner is logical about everything, you may not become so upset when they don’t get sentimental about birthdays, anniversaries or Valentine’s Day.   They just don’t think the same way you do.  It is helpful to know that to avoid arguments.  People don’t change too much.  We can all adjust and try harder to make our loved ones happy, but there are times we fall back into old patterns.  Be willing to forgive when these things happen.  There is no perfect match.  You have to know yourself and what you can and can’t deal with every day for the next 50 years.  Dating is the time to figure out what works and what doesn’t.  Awareness about yourself and your partner is half the battle to getting into a good relationship and being able to make it work over time.

4 comments on “Opposites Attract

  1. I totally agree, there are those opposites who attract and those who just basically repel each other. It’s good to know what type of person you are, and your special someone, so you can understand if they are that type who need to go home and be alone, or if they enjoy being out with people. It’s all about balance!

    • Thanks so much for your comment! I agree that awareness of yourself, what you need and how you affect others is one of the best gifts you can give to people you are in relationships with.

  2. I love reading your posts because I feel like every one of them applies to a part of my life. It is a good idea to have that conversation with your partner so you two can learn about each other so that when a problem arises, you know you’re both not going to handle it the exact same way.

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