Don’t you wish you could always look ahead and know how your choices in life were going to work out? We would all be so much smarter!!! Making a decision about which person to be with can be brutal. I know some of you are thinking, I can’t find one person to date, let alone have the choice between two people. From the outside it can seem like having the choice between two people would be the best position to be in. However, I find the middle man almost always gets slammed.
I’ve met with people who are either in the middle of this equation or on either side of it. The person in the middle is one who has had a long term relationship with someone. They still love that person but the relationship has been rocky lately. They have now met a new person and are interested, yet hesitant to commit to going in that direction. You want both, but can’t figure out a way to make that happen. A decision must then be made. The people on either side are the girlfriend or boyfriend who may potentially be dumped and the new girl or guy in the picture.
It isn’t fun to be any of these people. The person in the middle is usually conflicted over taking a chance on something new or staying with what they know. The option of going in a new direction can be scary because there is a chance it won’t work out. They are worried about having regrets about leaving their current relationship only to be alone at the end of it. Taking this risk is usually not easy. Especially if your current boyfriend or girlfriend is wanting to be with you even thought they may be aware you might be talking to someone else, and the new person also wants to be with you even though they know you are still in love with someone else. For awhile the person in the middle gets to have their cake and eat it too. This usually doesn’t last long before the stress of juggling both relationships becomes overwhelming.
Finally, you decide to break up with your current partner and spend more time with the new person. This is great at first, but then something reminds you of your ex and in a weak moment you text or send them a message on Facebook. Your ex jumps at the chance to talk to you again and you realize you really do miss him or her. You start to pull away from the new person for a couple of days. You feel like you want to get back with your ex, but then you have another fight and run back to the new person to vent about it. They listen because they really like you and want to be with you. You feel comforted and end it with your ex again. This cycle may go around a few times before someone makes a permanent decision.
It may seem easy from the outside. Plenty of friends will be commenting on which direction you should go. Your ex’s friends as well as your new person’s friends are also going to be chiming in to tell them what to do. This is a very hard place to be in for everyone involved. At some point you will have to make a definite decision or eventually your ex or the new person you are seeing are going to pull away because it gets to be too hard on them to wait for you. Not making a decision will force someone else to make a decision.
Of course in an ideal situation you would close one door before you try to open another so you can avoid all the drama listed above. However, I find that it doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes when you meet someone new it helps you to make the decision to leave the bad relationship you are currently in. The new person entering your life actually helps you to put the final nail in the coffin. But when you do get caught in the middle, realize that you only have so much time to play both fields before it becomes very stressful on everyone involved. Your friends may also lose patience with you as well because it isn’t easy to watch all the drama unfold.
If you’re on either side of the middle, you also have to realize that you have choices in this situation. You don’t have to wait for the person in the middle to decide what is going to happen. Just remember that the heart doesn’t choose rationally and it usually gets messy before it gets better. If you find yourself in this type of situation realize that it may not be as easy as you think to make the best choice. But like any break-up, at some point you cross a line and it becomes very clear what you should do. Until then, do your best to deal with the situation because we don’t always get to choose who our heart falls in love with.