…and a woman’s brain is like a bowl of spaghetti noodles without butter. I talked a little last week about how men and women think differently. There is a biological reason for that. An analogy would be to look at men’s brains as if they were a waffle. Women’s brains would resemble a bowl of spaghetti noodles. This is why…
Men can compartmentalize a lot easier than women. They seem to have little walls around emotions they feel and events that happen to them, like a waffle has compartments. This is why men let go of things a little easier than women do. They just jump out of one square and into another one. The walls help them block out thoughts and emotions about one event so they can focus on something else. This is also why men have a harder time multi-tasking than women do. If a guy gets into an argument before they go to class, they can move past it to focus on their class and other tasks they need to accomplish that day. When he sees his girlfriend later he may have forgotten the details of the argument because he jumped out of that box and has moved in several other directions since then. This can frustrate his girlfriend who can remember every detail of the argument and thinks he doesn’t care. This isn’t always true. Guys do have good memories, but they don’t relate everything in their minds like women do.
Women relate everything easier than men. Their brain is similiar to picking up a wet sticky noodle out of a bowl. When you pick one up, several others are also stuck to it. Women can move from one thought or emotion to the next at a speed that usually confuses their boyfriends. This is why women are also better at multi-tasking then men are. They can focus on something else and still be thinking about a past event. It isn’t that women are smarter, they just relate things back to a previous experience better. Especially if it revolves around a relationship. Women are more concerned with relationships and base a lot of their self-worth around how well their relationships are going. If a woman gets into an argument with her boyfriend in the morning, it won’t matter what she does the rest of the day, she is going to be able to go right back to that argument like it never stopped happening. This can frustrate her boyfriend who can’t quite remember all those details and wonders why she is bringing up something that isn’t relevant at this later point in the day or week.
When a woman starts bringing up the past in a discussion, this can also frustrate men. A woman again relates everything in her mind to another point of reference. So in a woman’s mind she is going in a direction that makes perfect sense. However her boyfriend is thinking, “Okay, she started out in square 42, but then jumped to square 67, then she went back to square 31. Crap, now where is she? This isn’t making any sense!!!” At that point he checks out of the discussion because he is frustrated, not because he doesn’t care. His girlfriend may not realize this and the argument may escalate.
It is so important to understand the differences between men and women. It is also important to remember that women process their feelings by talking through a problem. Men normally think through a problem before they discuss it. So when a guy’s girlfriend starts venting about a problem, he wants to help her fix it. He believes she has already thought through it and needs his help to solve it. This isn’t necessarily true. She may just need to vent to be able to come to her own conclusion. Sometimes, just listening to a woman process her feelings is actually helping. Women also need to remember that their boyfriends do mean well and only want to help. They aren’t offering solutions because they think their girlfriend is incompetant, they just think she’s asking for help. A woman needs to be clear if she wants her boyfriend to just listen because he doesn’t have that instinct like her female friend’s do.
When it comes to sex this same analogy applies. Men are better at just jumping into the sex box, and whatever just happened a few minutes or hours before can be blocked out easily. This isn’t true for women. Their sex noodle can be at the bottom of the bowl. It is hard for them to forget the other things that are attached in their brain and just focus on having sex. If their emotions are hurt it is harder for them to tune that out and bring out sexual emotions. Men have an easier time blocking out emotions and just feel sexually turned on physically. This isn’t to say that men will always want to have sex if their emotions are hurt. They may not be able to perform if ongoing troubles have been occuring in the relationship. However, it is easier for them to biologically turn on one emotion and block out others they don’t need at the time. For women, this is possible, but a lot harder to accomplish. Just like it is harder for men to focus and follow a woman when she jumps from topic to topic in a discussion. It can be done, but it takes a lot more effort.
If you can remember the differences in the ways women and men think, it can help you communicate and relate better in your relationship. A lot of times people feel frustrated because they think their boyfriend or girlfriend is doing something to them on purpose. That isn’t always the case. Sometimes we forget how different we are and we expect the other person to always think and feel they way we do. That isn’t realistic. Men aren’t better than women and women aren’t better than men. We are just different.