Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

True or False?  Being abstinent can be sexy in college?  Depends on who you ask.  I have found for all of the hooking up in college these days, there still are a lot of young men and women who choose to not have sex.  They may be choosing to wait for marriage due to religious or spiritual beliefs.  They may be choosing to wait until they get into a serious relationship and are in love with someone.  They may be choosing to wait until they lose 25 pounds and are avoiding any physical contact until that glorious day.  Whatever the reason, there are people out there not hooking up and having sex every other night.

Is abstinence a good thing in a relationship?  It can be a very good thing.  It says a lot about someone’s character if they are willing to wait until you are ready to have sex.  Provided you don’t find them cheating on you while they wait!!  This does happen to some people unfortunately!  However, most of the time, this means the person truly is into you.  They want to get emotionally closer to you and show you respect.  This can build a bond that can be harder to break down the road.  It also helps to build trust.  You don’t have to be concerned that the only reason they are with you is to have sex.  You also won’t  have to worry that they will quickly find someone else to have sex with.  The problem with hooking up is that it is casual.  There really isn’t a commitment.  If it does turn into a relationship, there can be the fear that they may choose to break up with you to hook up with someone else.

If someone is waiting to have sex with you, it is less likely they will choose to find someone else for casual sex.  Although we are in the age of enlightenment, a double standard still exists in our culture.  Women who report having many sex partners are not given as much respect by others.  Men have reported being intimidated by a woman who has had more sex partners than he has had.  It seems wrong and unfair, but it is true.  Guys still report wanting to hook up with someone who has a lot of experience, but when it comes to settling down, they want someone who has a little less sexual experience.  This could be because old traditions die hard or the fact that some guys report that they do have insecurities when it comes to sex.  If they know they have to compare themselves to 25 other guys that can be a little daunting.  If its none or just one or two, that can be easier for a guy’s brain to handle.  Jealousy also comes into play because of these insecurities which can lead to trust issues.  So even though I agree that women should be free spirited and live their lives how they want to  live them, just be aware that old stereotypes die hard.  If you are a woman who is known to sleep around, you may be getting less respect from your peers, both men and women.

The opposite stereotype still exists as well.  Men have a harder time admitting they have little to no experience with sex.  They are expected to explore and have sexual encounters at a young age.  The more a guy has sex, the more he is respected among his peers, and if he is known to be a bad boy for some reason even good girls are attracted.  I know this isn’t true in all circumstances.  There are areas of our country that are more progressive.  I do live in the Midwest and may have a bias because of the population I serve.  I am just reporting what I hear and know to be true from talking to the students and people who come in to see me.  I’m aware that men have a harder time saying they are being abstaining from sex and still feel respected by others.  I hope the trends continue to change because I think people should be able to decide to do what they want sexually and not be judged either way.  I believe you should be true to yourself and do what is comfortable for you.  If it is your choice to wait and not have sex, I think that is a great choice.  You won’t regret waiting and hopefully the person you do finally choose to have sex with will be very glad you waited for them.

If you are only waiting to have sex because you don’t think you are attractive or good enough, please think again.  I know most men are less picky about a woman’s body then most women are.  Women are very hard on themselves.  Don’t let your weight or something about the way you look hold you back from meeting people and living your life.  You may be surprised to find out that if you’re confident and love yourself, others will follow your lead.  As for guys, most women are not looking for Mr. Perfect either.  You don’t have to have a bunch of muscles for a woman to be attracted to you or want to be close to you physically.  Most women love affection and are more focused on how they look.  There are all types of people that other people are attracted to.  Don’t see yourself short and don’t get too caught up in looking a certain way before going out and finding someone to be with.

If you do decide to have sex, please use protection.  Condoms are the best protection against STD’s besides being abstinent.  Abstinence is the only 100% effective way to avoid getting an STD infection.  That is why it is smart to wait.  Whatever your choices, be smart and be safe!!

2 comments on “Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

  1. I love your post. I really feel that on my campus everyone wants to “hook-up” but when I actually sit down and talk to people I notice that many really want a meaningful relationship or are actually abstinent. Post like these make me feel less lonely lol.

    • Thanks so much for your comment Krystal. It is true that there are a lot of college students waiting to have sex. You just don’t hear about it too much in the media. I’m glad reading this was helpful.

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