I Got Stood Up!

I don’t know about you, but I value my time.  I hate wasting time and I don’t like when other people waste it for me.  My ex had a habit of standing me up.  He wouldn’t call if he was going to be late and some times he wouldn’t show at all.  He was a busy guy, and I understood at times that things do come up out of nowhere.  However, it drove me crazy!!!

A lot of my students complain about being stood up on a date.  Especially if they are meeting people online.  I hear quite often about people planning to meet someone for the first time after chatting with them online.  Then they go to the restaurant or bar only to be stood up.  What is the point of making the date if you didn’t want to go?  Some people tell me they felt pressured into the date and changed their mind at the last minute, but I have found this isn’t always the case.

Why is it so hard to let someone know you aren’t going to show up.  My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that he hated to tell me no, so he would agree but then conveniently forget to follow through.  That just doesn’t make any sense to me.  Do you think I’m going to be less mad after waiting around for hours???  I would rather know right away that someone doesn’t want to do something.  Then I can move on and make other plans.  I hate looking forward to something only to be disappointed.  Disappoint me right away so I can still find something fun to do and not waste a perfectly good night. I know I”m not the only one who has dated someone who says they want to do something with you but then bails at the last minute.  There are a lot of people who aren’t straightforward and have a hard time stating their true intentions.  There are people who are truly forgetful and lose track of time, however it is annoying when it happens consistently.  Most of the time all the drama could have been avoided with a text that takes 10 seconds to write.

I admit that I’m also a people pleaser.  I hate saying no to people myself, but I hate wasting time more than saying no.  When I was dating online before I got married I would let the other person know if I wasn’t interested in meeting them.  If I did go out on a date, but it just didn’t click, then I would let them know I didn’t want to go on another date.  I wouldn’t just stop answering their texts.  I like to be open and honest and let people know where they stand.  I’m a planner, and I like to know what’s going on.  I also don’t want to waste a lot of time by pretending I want to hang out with someone when I really don’t.  It is very rude to stand someone up, even when you haven’t met someone yet and its only the first date.  You are still wasting time that could’ve been spent on a date with someone else.  If you are dating online, I suggest not giving up.  There are great people out there that do follow through and are honest about where they stand.  You may have to go through a few losers who blow you off first, but it usually pays off in the end if you persevere through all the online dating crap.

When my students complain that a lot of their boyfriends or girlfriends don’t follow through with plans I can really relate.  It is very frustrating to have someone not value you or your time.  If you are dating someone who consistently blows you off, I would reconsider letting this person be such a huge part of your life.  They obviously don’t care enough to be honest with you or make you a priority.  I realize they may be able to talk their way out of a lot mistakes.  My ex was very good at that and he was able to get me to forgive him many times.  If I had to do it all over again I would’ve stood up for myself a lot sooner.  It can be hard to believe in yourself and the fact that your time if valuable.  You don’t have to wait around and revolve your plans around your boyfriend or girlfriend.  You deserve to have someone who puts you first and values being with you.  I know it was hard for me, but I encourage a lot of my students to not let someone walk all over them as long as I did.  If your partner always blows you off, I hope at some point you get sick of their excuses and find someone else who will be more straight forward with you.   You do deserve it!

I would love to hear what you think about this post or about my blog in general. Also, feel free to leave any suggestions or ideas for new posts in the future! Thanks!

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