Fighting on Facebook

It is easy to say a lot of stupid things when you’re angry.  Before texting and social media a lot of those hateful words disappeared literally into thin air.  Now they are caught in black and white and seem to live on forever.  How does a couple recover after having a fight on Facebook?  How do you move forward once all your “friends” have witnessed this fight and possibly commented on it?  I know a lot of couples try to agree before hand not to make their fights public, but when you’re angry you really just don’t care.  However, when that moment passes how do you take back those hateful words you typed, sometimes for the whole world to see?

Anger, just like love, has a way of making us act a little nuts.  People say all the time they would never do something, but then in a moment of anger or passion the crazy comes out.  How easy is it to misinterpret something someone tweeted or typed in their status?  Well the impulse to tweet or type something back comes even easier.  It is hard to hold back if you think someone is “subtly” attacking you for the whole world to see.  Sometimes it may even be you that starts something.  You may have typed something that had a little edge to it because you felt frustrated by something your boyfriend or girlfriend did.  You weren’t really meaning to put your dirty laundry out there for everyone to see, but now your partner has interpreted it that way and is attacking you back.  What do you do?

You can either call them up and try to clear it up in private.  Or you can continue to get angry and just say things to hurt them on the internet.  Privacy is something that is hard to come by these days.  I find a lot of college students tend to bring their friends or family into a fight or argument they are having with their boyfriend or girlfriend.  This can feel good at first.  Your friends and family may validate your opinion or may even give you good advice.  Just remember it will be easier for you to forgive, forget and move on.  Friends and family members may not have such an easy time letting your partner back into the fold.  You can damage your partner’s image really quickly and it may be hard for others to let that bad image go.  This can eventually hurt your relationship.

If you happen to bring your friends and family into your fight through Facebook you’ve now caused a horrible ripple effect.  When you say something sarcastic or mean on Facebook other people will have a hard time not making certain comments.  You may feel a small bit of satisfaction at throwing your partner under the bus, but it can quickly get out of control.   A lot of people can get involved in a short amount of time.  Now your friends may be fighting with your partner’s friends as they try to defend you guys.   Something simple that may have been resolved easily can become an impossible mess on social media sites.  Those words can be hard to erase.  Like I said earlier, words said out loud tend to fade into thin air, not that they can’t be just as hurtful.  It does tend to be more private though, unless you are screaming at your partner in your dorm hallway for the rest of the residents to hear.

No one usually makes a good point when they are angry anyway.  It is best to calm down before trying to get your point across or effectively listen to what your partner has to say.  If you are feeling angry, try to figure out why.  Do you feel hurt?  Disrespected?  Ignored?  Embarrassed?  Scared?  There are a lot of emotions under your anger.  Try to figure out what is really bothering you, and then try to communicate that to your partner.  Anger pushes people away, but true emotions will help the other person understand where you are coming from.  Name calling and accusations in a public arena isn’t going to solve anything.  You may get some back up, but that will only make your partner more upset.  I’ve never seen someone respond to an angry attack on the internet by saying, “I’m sorry, you are right.  You and your friends helped me to see the error of my ways.  Thanks for pointing out to me and everyone else that I’m an idiot.  I’m glad I have you and Facebook to save me from stupidity.”

That is what we all hope would happen when we have an argument with someone.  That they will just give in and say we are right.  Too bad most of us have issues with pride and have a hard time backing down.  Especially if we are called out in front of others.  It can be tempting to bring other people into your arguments, but think about the long term effects.  When you do calm down and realize you want to stay in this relationship, you are going to regret letting your anger get the best of you.  Be smart and keep things between you and your partner private.  Also, do your best to be respectful even when you are angry.  Only share what is going on with one or two friends or family members that you really trust.  When you do realize you are still in love with this person, you don’t want everyone else around you hating them.  Unless this person is violent or consistently picking fights with you, its better to leave others out of it.  If you are being abused either emotionally or physically, I do suggest you ask for help and support to either change or help you leave the relationship.

3 comments on “Fighting on Facebook

  1. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all of us you actually understand what you are talking about! Bookmarked. Please also consult with my site =). We may have a hyperlink alternate agreement between us

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