Letting Go of the Safety Net

Still have that number programmed into your phone?  You know the one of that person on the back burner who you only call in those lonely moments when there isn’t anything better to do?  The casual hook up that you know you shouldn’t indulge in because that person has more feelings for you than you have for them?

Being single can be tough sometimes, hell, a lot of the time.  It can be an ego boost to have that one person who happens to adore you unconditionally.  You’ve probably asked yourself several times why you aren’t head over heels in love with this person.  They are perfectly nice, good looking and fun, but there seems to be something missing.  Love is strange like that.  It doesn’t always make sense why some people just hit us harder than others.  This person on paper seems perfect, yet you aren’t drawn to them like other people in your past.

Yet, you can’t let them go either.  They continue to stay on the back burner for a reason.  It is very rare for a person to go from the backseat position to the front.  However, your brain may lie to you and convince you to keep this person around, just in case.  Just in case you have you have a wedding you need a date for.  Just in case no one better comes along.  Just in case you do cut them loose only to find they were the love of your life.  It feels safer to have this person around then to delete that number from your phone.

No one likes to make a mistake.  Some people have a hard time making choices and are afraid of making the wrong choice.  Here is this person that doesn’t turn you off, but doesn’t exactly turn you on either.  It can be very tempting to keep them around in case you change your mind.  However, in this case, another person’s heart is involved.  If they are into you, then it is going to be a crazy roller coaster ride of emotions for them.  While you are busy looking for other people to date they are going to feel lonely and left out.  When you need them in a moment of weakness you are going to give them hope for the future.  Only to disappoint them again if someone with more potential comes around.  You may not realize that they are hanging on every move you make, hoping for more one day.  Giving them hope can be very cruel, even though it may seem very innocent to you.

You may also tell yourself that it isn’t your fault that they continue to take your calls.  You may think they have a choice, and that they don’t have to hook up with you if they don’t want to.  What you are failing to consider is that their emotions are a lot stronger than yours.  That makes them not so smart when it comes to making decisions about you.  They KNOW they shouldn’t text you back, but they can’t help it.  They are in love with you, and you just gave them a glimmer of hope.  It is really hard to turn away from that.  What they also don’t need is your pity.  Don’t text them because you feel sorry for them.  They need you to make a choice.  Either love them or leave them alone.

Leaving them alone means letting go of your safety net.  It will help them see reality and be able to move on.  You learn to be alone and not depend on someone you “sorta” like in moments of loneliness.  If they were really just your friend there wouldn’t be this awkwardness when you do talk about other people you are attracted to.   You know when someone is just your friend and when they’re the person you keep on the back burner.  There is a difference.  In moments of loneliness choose to hang out with friends or family.  Find a new hobby or find new places to hang out where you will be able to meet new people easily.  Being alone is different than being lonely.  Many single people learn to be content being alone at times without being lonely.  It is possible.  It is a matter of adjustment in the way you think and in the things you do.  Being alone at times isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you.

It is a better choice than to use someone just because you’d rather be with them over being alone.  That isn’t a good reason to be with someone, and it isn’t fair to them to be your second choice.  Try going solo for awhile without having that backup phone number programmed into your phone.  You may find that it helps you meet someone you are truly into sooner rather than later.  Once you learn to be content being alone you don’t come off as desperate to others.  You may also try harder to meet new people since you don’t have that safety net to fall back on.  It isn’t easy, but it is the more mature way to go.

2 comments on “Letting Go of the Safety Net

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