I know I’m supposed to say that being single is great. I even have several inspirational quotes, a couple you may find on this post, for being single. However, I want to address the reality of being single. It isn’t always great, but it isn’t always a suck fest either.
The reality is that being single is hard. For a lot of you, it may not be the place you want to end up in life. Many of you, if you’re honest with yourselves may even say you are very afraid of being single. I don’t blame you. It isn’t easy to be alone at times. I think it is unrealistic to expect that you will be happy all the time while being single. I also think it is unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time in a relationship as well. Life just isn’t meant to be happy all the time.
The truth is, LIFE IS HARD. In general, life tends to be up and down. Sometimes you can feel like it is more down than up. Being single is kind of like that. Which is why it is good to learn how to live the single life. Life is full of hard moments. If you can deal with it on your own, then you will begin to build confidence in yourself and your abilities. It just may be scary because you’ve never had to be on your own before, especially without your parents supporting you. I also want to remind you that there are happy times while being single, I’m just saying don’t expect to always feel happy. You will have times of the day when you don’t mind not having a boyfriend or girlfriend to talk to. You will learn how to fill your time with other things that make you feel good even being on your own. You may learn to repeat positive affirmations about being single and be able to believe it for a few minutes or even a few days if you practice!
However, be prepared to sometimes wake up and feel very alone. Some days you will just feel like crying. It is also normal to still dream about finding the one who just “gets you” and wants to be with you forever even though you’re choosing to be single at the moment. You may still walk into Wal-Mart and wonder if you’re going to pass the person of your dreams as you’re walking through the cereal aisle. It is normal to feel that longing to be with someone. However, that longing is why people are afraid of being single. It would be so nice if we didn’t have an urge to be in a relationship until we found someone, but life doesn’t work that way.
It’s hard because you don’t always know what to expect. Although I’m here to tell you that relationships can be very unpredictable too at times. It still can be scary to be single and never know what is coming around the next corner. Sometimes you may have a date and end up spending the night with that person. It is almost like being in a relationship, except there isn’t a guarantee that will happen again in the future. Sometimes you may go out on a date or go out with your friends and still come home alone. You may feel lonely, or you may feel fine. Depends on how the night went. Sometimes you may be home all alone or have no one to hang out with, but you find things to do and the loneliness isn’t so bad. Sometimes you spend the whole night crying because you’ve been texting your ex who continues to ignore you. Like I said, its up and down, and not knowing when you are going to meet someone right can be very frustrating for a lot of people. Remember, this will prepare you for those up and down moments of being in a relationship and not having things always go your way either.
I try to encourage students not to be too hard on themselves when they have those down moments, hours, days or weeks. They happen. Just remember that they do pass. Not every moment of every hour of every day will you feel so sad and alone. Some days you will have to push yourself to be more positive, other days it may be a little easier. Some days you just have to let yourself have a pity party because no amount of positive thinking is going to work.
I do tell students that the best way to deal with being single is to expect those down times, but try to focus on other things when possible. Do try to reconnect with your friends. If you don’t have a lot of close friends, it is never too late to try to make some. Start a new hobby or find a place to become a volunteer. It is a great way to get outside of yourself and meet new people. I also suggest focusing on making someone else happy that day. It could be a friend or family member or a complete stranger. A student here at Aurora University is doing just that. Every Friday, Saturday and Sunday in December she is going to downtown Chicago to spread a little encouragement to complete strangers. It has made a huge impact not only on the lives of others, but in her life as well. Click here to read about her experience. Those kinds of things can help you get through those lonely moments.
No, being single isn’t always this great happy experience some people want to make it out to be. However, it doesn’t have to be the worst thing that has ever happened to you either. Take it in stride, because if you can learn to be on your own even in the rough times, you will find you will be less afraid of losing people. Which in turn can reduce jealousy and other negative emotions that harm, not help relationships.