Dec 18 2012

Oh, No! I’m Pregnant…Repost

I wrote this post a year and a half ago, but thought it was worth repeating. I’m reposting it for those who don’t go back into my archives…

How stressful is it to find out you’re pregnant when you weren’t expecting it? Let’s face it, having a baby wasn’t exactly in your 4 year college plan. So what do you do? First, if you are in a relationship, talk to your boyfriend. This can be a very difficult conversation. The first emotion most people feel is denial. Don’t feel hurt if he is hoping that maybe the pregnancy test was wrong. He isn’t rejecting you, his brain is just in freak out, no this can’t be happening mode. If you’ve had a few hours or days to digest this, it will take that amount of time for him to catch up with you. His first reaction may be to consider abortion. This too, is common. The first instincts aren’t always the smartest. There is a lot to discuss and consider.

You both have to think about whether you want to tell family members. If you have a supportive family it may help you to decide what to do. If you don’t, you may want to decide what you are going to do before telling your families. Or you may decide not to tell them at all. Without outside family support, it is very hard for two college students to raise a baby on their own. It has and can be done, but not without major sacrifice. Even with a lot of family support, keeping the baby requires giving up a lot of things. It may require one or both of you to have to drop out of school either temporarily or permanently. When you aren’t expecting to have to make these types of decisions, it can be very overwhelming.

However, the pregnancy has a way of marching on. You can’t NOT decide when it comes to being pregnant. The baby can only stay in the womb for so long. If you decide to have the baby, whether you keep it or not, you will need proper prenatal care. Then you have a few months to decide whether you want to give the baby up for adoption or keep it. There are many places that help women with the adoption process. You may consider an open adoption where you still get to be a part of the baby’s life or a closed adoption where you give up all rights and no information is released to the adoptive parents.

If you decide to have an abortion, your timeline shrinks. In order to take the abortion pill, you need to make up your mind within 9 weeks of pregnancy. Some women don’t find out they’re pregnant until they are 6-8 weeks along. After 9 weeks you will need to have an in-clinic abortion. One type of in-clinic abortion is aspiration or vacuum aspiration. This type is used up until the 16th week of pregnancy. After 16 weeks another type of in-clinic abortion is used which is called dilation and evacuation. Pain and cramping is involved with all types of abortion procedures.

No matter what you decide this is a life changing decision. You and your boyfriend will never be the same. That is why using birth control is so important. If you both feel the same way, making the decision together can bring you closer no matter what you decide to do. It is when you disagree on the decision that stress adds up exponentially in the relationship. Both women and men have come in for counseling because their partner pushed them into a decision they didn’t agree with. A lot of resentment, guilt and anger can build up in this case. Making this decision is hard enough without also having to go against your values. Please seek out other people to consult with if you and your partner can’t agree on what to do about the baby.

Also be prepared for psychological stress after you go through with your decision. If you decide to have an abortion, it may be hard to mentally deal with this after the fact. The same is true with adoption. Many people have reported that they go through a grief process afterwards. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel sad or upset. It is normal to feel this way. If you have unresolved anger, guilt or resentment towards yourself or your partner, please seek some kind of counseling to help you resolve those feelings. Also, if you find out you’re pregnant and you aren’t in a relationship, seek the advice of someone close to you that you trust. This will help you talk through your options. Have that person there with you if you decide to get an abortion, see a doctor for a check-up, or see an adoption specialist. It is not recommended that you make every decision and do everything on your own. That is a huge weight to carry and it helps to share the load with at least one trusted person to help you get through it.

If you do find out you or your girlfriend is pregnant there are many resources that can help you with your decision. A few a listed below.

Planned Parenthood

Adoption

Pregnancy Options

Jan 5 2012

Back Up Your Birth Control- Grandma Video

I know I already sent out my New Year’s Resolutions last week and this was #1, but I saw this video in another blog by Smart, Safe and Sexy, and it was too funny to pass up! Plus, it “back’s up” my point to always use birth control!

If you can accidentally text your Grandma on New Year’s Eve, what else can go wrong? Condoms break. Pills are forgotten, especially on holidays. Remember to Back Up Your Birth Control!
www.BackUpYourBirthControl.org

If you have a birth control oops, emergency contraception can help. That text to grandma? I can’t do anything about that. Stay safe in 2012!

Sep 22 2011

The condom broke! Now what??

Sometimes the condom breaks. Sometimes you are too tired, too drunk or too lazy to even use a condom. Sometimes you’re on the pill, but realize you’ve missed a couple days so you might not have been protected from getting pregnant while having sex the night before. I’d like to think every college student is practicing safe sex every time, but I’m not an idiot. Life happens and mistakes get made. Here are some smart things to do after you have a lapse in judgment.

First, you can get emergency contraception. Unless you are on the pill or another form of birth control, this is the first issue to deal with. You only have 5 days or 120 hours after unprotected sex to be able to use this form of protection. There are two types of emergency contraception- morning-after pill and IUD insertion. The morning-after pill prevents ovulation, so an egg won’t be released. It may also thicken the cervical mucus preventing sperm from reaching an egg. It does not cause an abortion. It is used to prevent a pregnancy. Within 5 days of having unprotected sex you can also choose to have an IUD inserted. An IUD is a small device that is inserted directly into the uterus. Once in place, it will prevent pregnancy for up to 5 years after insertion. The morning-after pill will reduce the chance of pregnancy by up to 89% if used within the first 72 hours after having unprotected sex. The sooner you are able to take the pill, the better chances of preventing pregnancy. The morning after pill can not be used long term. You will need to use another form of birth control if you want to prevent pregnancy in the future.

Even if you are using birth control or emergency contraception, you are still at risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease or infection. It is best to get tested as soon as possible even if you don’t have any symptoms. How do they test for STI’s? There isn’t just one test for all STI’s. You will have to let your doctor know your sexual practices and any symptoms. Some STI’s are tested by a blood sample, some use a urine sample, and others use a tissue sample. If you have obvious symptoms, it may be easier for your doctor to diagnose through a physical exam. Otherwise, your doctor will send your sample to a lab to be tested, and you will be notified within a few days if you’ve tested positive or not. Sometimes your doctor may ask you to come back to be retested in 6 months because some infections don’t show up right away. Make sure you follow through on getting tested because most people do not show any signs or symptoms of having an STI.

College is about having fun and living in a the moment. However, when it comes to having sex it pays to think ahead and be prepared. Carry a condom with you or have some available in your room or apartment. You can usually get free condoms from your health center on most campuses. Even when you are fully prepared, having sex can be risky. The condom can break. If you aren’t using another form of birth control, don’t hesitate to take emergency contraception. Then get your butt down to Planned Parenthood or your doctor’s office to get tested for any sexually transmitted infections. This way you won’t be at risk to spread any infections to others unknowingly.

If you find that you are pregnant or have an STI, it can be very scary. No one wants to deal with that type of stress on top of all the other stresses in college. However, it can happen. Please seek out help if you aren’t sure about what to do next. Contact the Health or Wellness Center on your campus if you have no where else to go. It is confidential and free. You can also access Counseling Services on your campus as well. A counselor can help you process your feelings and help you figure out what your options are.

Oh No, I’m Pregnant!

Jul 7 2011

Say Yes to the Sex

I’ve been watching “Say Yes to the Dress” this summer while I’m off of work. One thing I love about working in a university is that I’m off when the students are. So, I decided to take a spin on that title and write a post today about being open to sexual adventure. If you watch the show you know that a lot of different types of women come in to buy wedding dresses. Some women know what they want and are very confident. Other women are self-conscious and very critical of themselves. I find this also happens a lot with sex. Maybe you are the adventurous and confident type already. You may not even need to be in a trusting long-term relationship to say yes to sexual adventure. However, there are many people out there who are not confident at all about their body or trying something out of their comfort zone. Here are some tips for those of you who aren’t super confident or adventurous…yet!

1. As they say on the show, “Keep an open mind and trust your dress consultant”. I say, “Be confident and trust your partner”. I have met students who don’t feel very good about themselves. They often wonder what their boyfriend or girlfriend sees in them. They don’t trust when other people tell them that they look good. If you’ve recently lost weight you could still be seeing a bigger person in the mirror even though you now look great. So, when it comes time to take off your clothes you still feel very self-conscious. I have had both men and women say they only have sex with all the lights off and never let their partner really see them naked. First, if this person loves you, you need to trust they will love you even when you’re naked. Second, if you are having casual sex then it really won’t matter what that person thinks if you don’t ever plan to see them again. Take a chance and have sex with the lights on. Men are visual creatures. Most men admit that seeing their partner naked is a turn-on. Confidence is also a huge turn-on. I’ve had guys report that they would rather their girlfriend gain a few pounds and walk around naked in front of them than to lose a few pounds and still hide their body. You have to believe that the other person wants you and be confident enough to show what God gave you.

2. “Don’t get locked into one silhouette”, or what I refer to as, “Don’t get locked into one way of having sex”. I’ve heard some people say they only have sex in one position. They have taboos about other positions or trying something different. Sex is about exploration and finding what feels good to you and your partner. You won’t know what works best unless you’re willing to try new things. If you try something and you don’t like it, then be willing to share that with your partner. You still have the right to say no if something doesn’t feel good to you. If you think sex is best only when done in missionary position then you are missing out on other ways to please yourself and your partner. Some students report having issues with certain sexual acts because of past abuse. They may feel locked into certain ways of doing things because it feels safe. It is okay to share that with your partner and explain why you may not being willing to try certain things in the bedroom. After you’ve built up some trust and confidence in the relationship and in yourself, you may want to try new things when you’re ready. Be open and communicate with your partner about what you want, and be open to your partner’s needs as well as your own.

3. “Don’t bring a big entourage”, or what I refer to as, “Don’t bring all your friends and family into your sex life”. Too many opinions can be a bad thing. Don’t get caught up in what your friends are doing with their partners and start comparing yourself with them. Many students tell me they feel they have to do certain things because they hear about their friends doing it. You don’t have to do anything just because someone else is trying it. You also don’t have to feel forced to share about your sex life with everyone else. I suggest you be very selective about what you share and with whom you share it. Sex seems to be everywhere in the media, but that doesn’t mean you have to share all your private moments with everyone around you. Sex isn’t a spectator sport. You may feel more willing to try new things if you don’t think your partner is going to give a play by play report to their five best friends. It helps to be more adventurous if you trust your partner to keep it just between the two of you.

4. “Know your budget and don’t try on dresses you can’t afford”, or what I refer to as, “Be safe and don’t have sex without protection”. I’m all for trying new things and being adventurous, but remember to be as safe as possible. Most students still don’t realize they can get an STI from oral sex. You still need to use a condom or a dental dam when engaging in oral sex. Unless you and your partner are monogamous and have been tested after six months of being monogamous, you need to continue to use a condom every time you have sex. Don’t get so caught up in the moment that you forget the bottom line. Getting pregnant in college is a very hard thing to face. It’s also no fun to find out you’ve contracted an STI, especially if it is an incurable one. So go ahead and get your freak on, but be smart while doing it so you won’t have regrets later.

5. “Trust your gut”, or what I refer to as, “Trust your gut”. You will know when to push yourself and when to pull back. Continue to work on your confidence and believe in yourself. Sometimes you can’t think about sex too much, you just have to dive in and see what happens. Don’t analyze what you look like in a certain position or if you are doing right. Everyone gets an A for effort in the bedroom and your partner will be happy that you are into pleasing them as much as yourself. The point is to have fun and let go of inhibitions. Remember, to be truly sexy you just have to think about the other person more than yourself when your naked.